my new best friend
so i breed thicker skin and let my lustrous coat fill in and i'll never admit that i loved you...



so i just did a sweep of my hotmail inbox. spring cleaning, if you will. took it from 650 messages to 60 in less than ten minutes. it feels...invigorating? i don't know. it feels good but strange.

but really. do i need an email from a guy on an online dating site from three years ago? even if it's witty and well-written, what's the point? or an order confirmation from amazon from xmas '03?

i washed my car today, too. i'm on a roll.

girl power


i'll preface by saying that it could very well all stem from jealousy. it doesn't feel like jealousy, but that doesn't mean that isn't what it is.

the effusive love and kisses and shout outs that seems to go on between my sister and her two best girl friends kind of creeps me out. it reminds me of when i was in junior high and the thing to do on your friend's birthday was to make sure that you and at least three other people brought balloons and beat her to her locker in the morning, where you would greet her with a cupcake and mylar taped to steel and hugs and shit. then, the lucky birthday person was stuck carrying around a bunch of balloons for the rest of the day. except it didn't feel like a burden. it felt like a badge of honor. a signifier that you had friends, that enough other people thought you were so cool that they bought you balloons. whee!

i'm glad she has these friends in her life. the past few years have been a co-dependent nightmare for her. on and off with her boyfriend, with each subsequent "on" mostly due to the fact that neither of them really had anyone else. he's finally reared the last of his temper tantrums and i think she's done with his emotional abuse and anger problems. the fact that she has these two friends actively in her life will undoubtedly help make this breakup stick.

it's still weird, though. they spend most of their free time on each other's myspace pages, posting lots of "love you"s and huggies and comments written in glitter. the most recent addition is a picture that all three of them weren't actually there for. now they are photoshopping each other into existing photos, essentially rewriting memories to include all three.

like i said, though, it could be jealousy. i might've thought those balloons were stupid, but that doesn't mean i wouldn't smile if someone gave me one. or two.


i like myspace. i like it a lot. people from my past have been able to easily track me down, and i can secretly lurk around people's profiles. i'm still partial to blogger for blogging, but myspace is a great application.

what i do NOT like is how myspace is encouraging in people all the bad web layout habits that i thought most of us had kicked five to ten years ago. animated cursors, flashing backgrounds, colored hard-to-read fonts, text that scrolls over pictures, and enough music and videos strung together that often i don't have the patience to let a single page load.

and those freaking glittery bubble letters in the comments! while i appreciate the sentiment, what is this, 1987?

also, happy spring! though there is another inch of snow on my car this morning...

my new best friend


my blog made me sad just now when i looked at it. i had some time to kill and started clicking on links to other blogs from my blog and realized that half of them are inactive or wrong or have moved or the original blog has been dead for so long that a new user has taken over the sitename. some of the bloggers i've linked haven't posted in over a year!

it's not that i don't miss them. i do. but i'm more pissed at myself for getting so slack. slack on keeping tabs on my bloggy friends and slack on updating my blog. i feel better when i clean up and when i write more and yet i don't do it.

maybe i don't have much to say. or i'm too tired to say it. maybe today i'll do it in bullets:

my sister's still a little loopy when it comes to men.

i miss rhode island.

i got a job at the local irish pub. i think i like it.

i miss my old job.

i've been here almost two weeks now.

sometimes i feel if i'm going to life my life like this i should be doing it somewhere like key west.

i'd like to spend a month away from tv/movies/internet in some cabin with running water and see if i would even write then.

it was 68 yesterday and today it is snowing.

sometimes i wonder why married guy contacted me after all this time.

it really doesn't matter why married guy contacted me after all this time.

i'm thinking lately that maybe i won't ever get married again.

but i change my mind a lot.

off to work. i believe tonight is irish-drinking-song night.



landed in upstate last week. interviewed with ubuff this morning. i think they liked me. so now i have to think about taking my boxes to buffalo soon and finding a job sometime sooner.

the program is time intensive, and doesn't allow for a lot of outside work. so come fall, it looks like i may join the masses who carry an ungodly student loan into middle age with them. we'll see.

in the meantime, it looks like i just need make money and not care what it is i'm doing. sounds like the office world may be calling me back temporarily. ergh.

in other news, married guy and crazy florida guy have casually thrown their hats back into the fray. it's like they KNOW. it's always like they know. not that they'll know that they know, but neither is getting any response from me.