missing

it hits me a lot, but it's really hitting me right now, how much i miss certain people.

the thing is, they're not the sort of people i can contact. they are people better left alone. any communication from me would only serve to either stir shit up for them or stir shit up for me. or both.

probably both.

i'm all for letting sleeping dogs lie. some things are better left unsaid, and lots of things are better left undid.

but if there were some hole in time. if i could find a spot on the clock where reality stops and you wouldn't remember... i would roll up all of this missing and i would give you the apology you deserve.

in the meantime, know that i'm thinking of you. that i will always think of you.

it's best to just leave you alone. so that's what i'll do.

i really hate missing the people that would be upset by the knowledge that i miss them.

giving thanks

i've decided to frame all the events that have happened the last week in such a way that i can be thankful that they got me thinking.

i'm tired of thinking, but if i don't try and be thankful i may go mad.

the emotional-energy draining vampire of an ex-roommate and best friend returned from the peace corps for the holiday. we spent just enough time with her for her to make us feel guilty for not opening up our schedules further for her.

last weekend i saw an old friend in boston who reminded me that it's okay to be living this life the way i want to.

yesterday i got up at 430am to open the bar by 6. some of my customers are starting to feel like family and i'm starting to feel comfortable with that.

hope the turkey wasn't too dry.