my new best friend
so i breed thicker skin and let my lustrous coat fill in and i'll never admit that i loved you...



i made the mistake of researching katrina photos further than the few repeated images i've seen on network television.

i don't have words. i can't even fucking imagine...

and yet, any relief i feel is selfish. i'm thankful that one of my best friends just moved from new orleans and is happily settled in key west. granted, i imagine key west did not not go without feeling katrina's wrath, but i feel better knowing baby z is not stuck in the superdome all the same.

most selfishly, i'm glad i was able to walk bourbon street last summer, arm in arm with someone who still warrants bittersweet reminisces. because NO will probably never be the same again.

it's complete and total devastation, and it breaks my heart. i don't give a fuck anymore about the rising cost of oil...i just want someone to magically heal the south for me.

(this website has some striking photos--feel free to ignore any political rhetoric snuck into the captions: http://www.peeniewallie.com/2005/08/latest_katrina.html)

thump thump...thump thump


a little over a year ago i was driving cross country and sending postcards to strangers. strangers who felt like friends because of this blogger application.

now, i'm leading a much different life. i find my interest in posting and reading has waned. i wonder from time to time whether i should just abandon mynewbestfriend altogether.

but it's been years now. mynewbestfriend really is like a best friend, albeit a silent one. how would i ever say goodbye? and what if i become unhappy again and need to post blahblah daily again?

i know many people are the same way, but why is it so hard to write about happy stuff? i feel like i can only be interesting when i'm miserable. not that i always focus on the miserable STUFF, but misery seems to be my muse.

love, as it turns out, is not. i am more in love than i ever thought i could or would be, and the thought of writing about it sickens and bores me.

i have never felt this level of passion before. passion without the insecurity and drama and the chase of emotional unavailability. at a time when i was ready for it.

timing can be such a bitch.

i'm also back in school, and my first day back has made me realize how much i've learned being a bartender this past year. how much my customers have taught me, and how much like a teenager most of them are when they are drunk.

now i've lost my train of thought.

but thanks to the extreme thoughtfulness of my boyfriend and my parents, i am the proud owner of a new laptop, making my online accessibility much more...uh, accessible.

love is grand, but it sure ain't interesting to observers.

too easy


you know how sometimes a bunch of stuff will just happen real easylike and you get lulled into thinking maybe stuff isn't as hard as you thought it was, but then you get bitchslapped by bureacratic reality and snap back to your cynicism?

yeah. registering for classes has turned into a fuckfest. i don't know why an organization can't just make room at the last minute for people who only decide a month before the fall semester that they'd like to be a teacher. as soon as possible. what do you mean there's a formal process? can't i just sign up for some classes and go to them and turn in some papers and then bid adieau?

i don't care if i spelled that wrong.

i think it'll be all hammered out tomorrow, but not only are all the classes already full (that's not my fault, they only let new students register the week before school starts), i've got to get permission to get into them from department heads who aren't around this week.

it makes me feel like maybe i should wait another semester and do all this the right way, but then i think about how i can't be a bartender forever or i will start punching people right in their mouths.

but this was kinda funny: a guy on thursday took 6 hours of drinking to get up the nerve to say, "so, uh, not this weekend but next weekend...you want to go to a martial arts symposium with me?" awesome.

p.s. new zox album, track 9, now.