my new best friend
so i breed thicker skin and let my lustrous coat fill in and i'll never admit that i loved you...

recovery time


i don't think it's just because he's five years my junior, but JR has amazing sexual recovery talents. it happens one day and you might toss it off as a good lucky rare day. it happens every day and a girl takes notice.

i was passing the days keeping this information to myself, smiling mysteriously with every memory. but then one of the roomies bore aural witness to some of the festivities live. she has mentioned it every day since.

"seriously. how many times that morning?"

"ummm...i'm not sure. maybe four?"

"WHAT!? and that was all before 1030!"

"yeah, that sounds about right. plus he woke me up around 430."


so i gave her a big lecture on the important of lube, both organic and synthetic. she, though, has a history of chronic UTIs. the very notion of multiple go-rounds makes her crotch ache.

it's good. we're an excellent sexual match. but i surprised myself by telling him earlier this week that maybe we needed to also focus on other aspects of our burgeoning relationship. he agreed, but pointed out that we DID make it to the new england aquarium in boston on saturday. it was a solid nine hours of not fucking. we were very proud of ourselves when we realized this.

of course, we missed the turning of a few lights from red to green while our tongues did their disgusting dance on the way home.

and i highly recommend the chowder in a bread bowl available inside quincy market. it is just the right size to share with someone while seated in the sun on a bench, watching the tourists go by.

not for nothing


has anyone else noticed that "not for nothing" has become the phrase of the moment? i thought maybe it was just a rhode island thing, but i've seen it pop up in music reviews and magazine articles over the last month as well.

if you have noticed it, does it make you absolutely insane, too? i want to yank people's eyeballs out sometimes when they use it. people speaking to me usually use it right before they're going to say something negative about me or my attitude towards something. fuckers.

not for nothing, but you saying "not for nothing" before dropping the hammer doesn't soften the blow any. assholes.


i think i'm in love.


update to self


MG has not come into the bar as per his previous patterns. this is a good thing. his coworker, though, who some of my regulars refer to as "g.i. jerkoff" (say it outloud; it's hilarious), informed me last week that he (g.i. jerkoff) is shipping out to the middle east in june. i am not in a position to ask him, but i can't help but wonder if MG is going as well. i wish him lots of safety is he is.

my mommy came to visit for the weekend. it was awesome showing her around providence and getting a chance to do things that i like doing with my family, like going to movies or walking around window shopping. i'm not sure what she thought of my bar, but a few of the guys who met her couldn't get over how good-looking she is. i don't see it, of course, 'cause she's my mom, but a few of my guy friends in high school always said she was a MILF. guess she's still got it.

things with JR are still rolling beautifully. yesterday i had a bit of a gutkick (my gut is a great barometer of relationships. i can usually sense when one is taking a dump a few days before there are any actual indications), which he forced me to tell him about. he told me my gut's a dumbass and that it was probably just some premenstrually-crossed wires. he's probably right.

happy belated st. patty's day!!! i worked a crankin' 8-hour shift at the bar, and made more money in one day than i've ever made there. but man could i feel it. i worked my ASS off on thursday. but $240 later i was a happy girl sitting on the other side of the bar drinking a bottle of guinness.

guinness. yum!

some things


i like that most mornings i have the entire house to myself. my roomies worry that their music is too loud or that katie couric is going to wake me up, but i don't mind because it means that they are going about their business and will leave me to mine very shortly.

i don't like the mornings that someone's work schedule has changed and interferes with my time alone. i get irritated and grumpy. it turns out that there are some routines i cherish, no matter how out-of-the-box i may strive to be.

i like that JR (new guy) asked me last night if it would be okay if we hung out one day in jammies and watched buffy dvds. he had seen my collection of all 7 seasons and wants me to catch him up and explain why i like it so much.

i like that he promised that we could stuff ourselves on mexican food during this adventure.

i like that JR is 150 miles away. it forces us to not become each other's everything too rapidly, because i have a propensity for wrapping my life up tightly underneath a lover's.

i don't like that he is 150 miles away.

i like that yesterday 15 state troopers came into the bar for a celebration and i made good money.

i don't like that they brought along one of their acquaintances who is a nice enough guy but cocky as all get out and waves and snaps and points at me and treats me like a hired hand.

it's thanksgiving on dawson's creek right now and i don't give a shit.

i like that i might go back to school this summer or fall.

i don't like that a recruiter offered me a really sweet reserve deal that would not only put a couple thousand dollars upfront in my pocket, but pay for schooling. i don't like it because if i signed up i would be working in an environment where i would certainly run into married guy.

i can never see that man again. money's not that important.

i like that last weekend me and B and JR wandered around downtown providence and i'm falling in love with the city all over again. i might be no closer to figuring out my path in life, but i made the right decision in moving to this town.

and i have a feeling it's only a few more weeks before they announce the new waterfire schedule. i looooove me some waterfire.



i met somebody. it can be pretty boring to read about such things on a blog, but he's pretty fucking cool and i'm damn excited about the whole thing.

i had to tell southern boy yesterday that he couldn't come visit this weekend. i hate pulling shit like that on someone at the last minute, but after the weekend i had with new guy, i don't want (or have the energy to deal with) anyone else in my orbit right now. it would've been an awful four days of me thinking only about new guy and southern boy trying and trying to get into my pants. it's better this way, for everyone involved.

we went to the planetarium. i had a doctor's appointment saturday morning, and when i got back, he was on the computer investigating things for us to do in the city. he plans! that seems so silly and simple, but it's been a while that i didn't have to deal with the whole "i don't know, what do YOU feel like doing?" travesty.

the planetarium is inside a very small and very cheesy natural history museum. we wandered around waiting for the show to start, and every so often he would come up from behind me and kiss my head, or pull me behind an exhibit and make out with me.

the downside to all this is that i'm scared. my decisions about men recently have almost been purposely bad because it was safer to involve myself with someone who i knew wasn't a sure bet because then i didn't actually have to commit. i didn't actually have to be part of a couple. falling in love with married men and men with girlfriends and men who live hundreds (if not thousands) of miles away is very convenient when you want the rush of lust and emotion without any of the responsibility.

but now maybe it's time. it's too soon to tell, really, but there's that whole aspect of "when it's right, you'll just know". i've been feeling that in spades ever since my first hour with him.

and he feels the same way. he's just as fascinated and floored by me as i am him. he's tall and he's funny and he offered to give me a piggyback ride over the snow and he wears a suit to work everyday but isn't stuffy and gross and he finds me intelligent and interesting and he's a fucking wildcat in the sack.

he will grab a fistful of hair in the middle of a mattress tussle, then gently pull out the knots while we're silently afterglowing.

yay and goddammit all at the same time! whatever this ends up being, it's gonna be hella fucking fun. yeehaw.

boys II


add to the list this guy that i met last weekend who is so fucking awesome i just might pee my pants and he LIKES ME BACK and while i'm starting at my phone willing it to ring last night, a text message comes in from

married guy. of all the motherfucking luck.

it's short and what it says is "Title & Registration". it took me until this morning to realize that it's a song title, and that the song is by death cab for cutie, a band that he knows i'm very much into and that he never showed much interest in while we were together.

a solid two months he gives me, then decides to pop his cowardly head back up and is still using the passive communication that texting affords, AND hiding behind other people's words.


the roommates were all atwitter: are you gonna write back? tell him to fuck off. ask him what that means to him. are you gonna write back?

will i ever respond? i don't know. but i'm not responding to THAT. that's cheap and cowardly and reeks of "hey, the storm around the house settled down a bit and now i'm kinda bored and looking to stir up some chaos so how you been anyway?"

if his patterns hold true (which they have so far), i should expect him to show his face around the bar sometime this week.

but it doesn't matter. i've found a mental match who tickes my brain and makes all the other appropriate places tingle and who seems to be emotionally available. he does live 2.5 hours away, but that's better than i've been doing lately. and he's SINGLE. thank freaking god.

can someone get to work moving connecticut for me? it's just always in the way lately.