i'm finding it harder and harder to decide. i want to love him like i should, but i want to be happy, too. the one that i do want will never be the one, either.
he's miles and miles away and will not be satisfied when i tell him that all i want him to do is hold me close and run his fingers through my hair. forever. that's it.
and write me witty emails everyday, of course.
i finally told the other that i didn't think i could stay.
we were both sad, but he understood more than i gave him credit for even moments before. things are the same today--he seems to think the purging of last night has plugged the hole. perhaps he's right...for now.
the hole will probably always be there. but i've got to try something else. i have to.
i have to.
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